Do you or your partner suffer from TL:DR (Too Long Didn’t Read) but want/need to find useful information to help you not fuck up poly right off the bat? Are you a fan of the PolyWeekly podcast by Cunning Minx? Well have I got a book for you!
Cunning Minx is the brains and voice behind the PolyWeekly podcast which currently sits at a stunning 440 episodes deep! She, along with a wide variety of guests explore sex, kink, polyamory, daily life, and much more. On top of all the work she does on her podcast she is also an author and educator.
In her 2014 book, Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory: Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up, she sheds some light on some of the most common relationship land mines in under 100 pages. She very clearly states right off the bat that this isn’t going to be a in depth guide or history and provides some great materials that fill those roles. On the surface they seem like no brainers such as how drastically important communication is or that everyone’s version of poly is different. In reality, the Eight Things are what always make us stumble. Ask the vast majority of experienced poly/non-mono adventurers and we’ll all admit to having fucked these things up good at some point.
Due to it’s length Minx keeps things short and to the point but doesn’t sacrifice good writing. She includes guides throughout such as how to make “I feel” statements and a mini summery at the end of each discovery. In particular, I appreciate the fact she addresses guidelines vs. rules and couples privilege without seeming pompous or prejudice. These are two of the hardest topics I find new poly couples struggle with.
These nuggets of honest truth can help regardless of the readers experience. For new poly folks it helps warn about common land mines they will stumble upon, more experienced poly folk may identify patterns they’ve experienced along the way, and everyone will learn new ways to defuse these situations in healthy productive ways.
Pro: short, to the point, super useful
Bonus: Appendix: Writing your own user guide! A great little guide for helping you write a guide to yourself!