Sex and Bodies

Go read I’m Fat and I Have Sex With Hot Strangers By Melissa Mankins like right now!

Absolutely dig this article. I regularly use the label “fat” and have had people say “oh no you’re not!” or “don’t talk about your self like that.” I’m 5’2″ and 210lbs. Whether you like it or not I AM FAT. I am ALSO physically healthy, strong, flexible, and active. If you have any doubt check out my aerial and rope work. I also consider myself a slut! Again, it’s not a demeaning term for me. I love owning my sexuality and have no problem talking openly about it. I love having casual awesome sex with people.

I am very aware that I don’t fit the “normal” rope bottom or aerialist body type and much like Melissa I have had a tendency to “warn” people about my size. One of the hardest incidents around me choosing not to “warn” someone was when I had the opportunity to bottom for Graydancer, someone I have followed for a while and really respect, for a performance at FIRE. I was telling a friend how stoked I was to be bottoming and their response was “does he know about your size?” Here I was all rope bouncy about performing and this person was more concerned about reminding me I’m “too big for that kind of rope” than supporting me in this opportunity. In the moment I blew it off saying that Gray had access to photos that clearly showed my body type and my references as a rope bottom prior to working with me. If Gray didn’t feel comfortable with my size, which I know isn’t every riggers cup of tea, he could have easily declined. Reality was that it hurt and left a glimmer of uncertainty about whether I should have even offered to bottom. Luckily I put the concerns aside, hopped on my bike, and  headed to Orlando. My body shape didn’t make anyone uncomfortable and honestly I had a great time.

A few months later at NARIX I was sharing a new project (Rope/Lyra) during the Saturday night Rope Jam. While getting ready to perform I started getting nervous about what to/not to wear. I hadn’t really brought anything costume wise to the event because I’m normally naked at The Woodshed at night and during the day I’m in comfy rope cloths. There was a moment when I stood there thinking “is everyone going to be so distracted by my fat that they wont see what I was doing with the Lyra and Rope?” Eventually I stopped stressing and said fuck it. Walked out and stripped down and set up. People admitted they weren’t sure in the beginning because of my body shape but were quickly blown away. It felt good. Yes, I am fat but that doesn’t’ mean my body isn’t capable of amazing things.

The reality is we as a society push a culture that makes people of any size feel unacceptable. Read the comments on Facebook, Tumblr, and Instagram and you’ll find floods of comments on big girls telling them how disgusting they are if an inch of skin is showing. You’ll just as easily find floods of “go eat a cheeseburger” style comments on the images of those on the underweight side. If you go through K&P on Fet you’ll see a ton of thin women getting tons of love but what about the rest of the female form? We need to step back and stop trashing those around us. Instead we need to find and cultivate the awesome regardless of the size or shape of our bodies. I will continue to share openly about my size, my sex life, and my experience to help others see that their bodies and sexuality are valid even if they don’t match what they see around them.


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