Confession of a Fat Rope Slut

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Confession: My favorite role in rope play is bottoming and I’ve allowed the negative assumptions from others about my body keep me from really pursuing it.

Rope & Photography by Aeolis_Est

The kink community prides itself on being body positivity. While that may be the case in the general scope it’s definitely not the case in the rope community. Over the years I’ve been told by strangers, partners, teachers (who were all just “trying to be honest not hurtful”), and what I saw in the kinky media that my body (5’2″, size 18, 38F) wasn’t suited for rope.

  • Description of myself overheard while bottoming at one of my first kink parties: “The fat chick with tattoos”
  • When I said I was interested in self-suspension: “You’re too fat to self-suspend”
  • When I excitedly said I was going to be bottoming for Graydancer in a performance: “Does he know about your size?”
  • When I’ve offered to bottom for classes: “Thanks but the rope doesn’t look good on bodies like yours”
  • When I was excited about hitting K&P on a writing but wondered allowed if any of my photos would ever get there (when I thought this was the end all be all): “You’ll never be K&P because you’re fat”

These are just some of the things I’ve heard over the last seven years as I’ve found my way through the rope community. I love rope but it’s statements and situations like these that have nearly made me quit rope all together on more than one occasion. It was also a major influence in why I pursued self-tie and topping rather than bottoming.

Years later I have become stronger through training both my rope skills and getting heavily involved in the circus but I am still a short, big girl. Training 4-5 days a week and eating decently didn’t change this. I’ve made a name for myself in rope as a self-suspender and top but even good friends have rarely, if ever, seen me bottom for rope. Why? For a long time, I said it was just because I didn’t know many who could push my body in the ways I like (contortionism comes with its drawbacks). That’s only half true. In all honesty, I have been hesitant to ask anyone I’m not fairly close to and fairly certain will tie someone of my shape and size. Too many times I was turned down by both partners and others when I asked to bottom for rope specifically because of my body. After a while, I just didn’t want the disappointment and stopped asking.

Rope & Photography by Aeolis_Est

I’ve been lucky though to meet some amazing individuals who have supported me along the way. One of those individuals has, from the first time I met him, had no qualms with the fact I was a big girl who liked rope. He has offered guidance, encouragement, and a shared nerdy love of rope among other things. This past weekend we were hanging out and he asked if I wanted to shoot. I was excited because we rarely get a chance to do rope. In fact, we had never done anything but lab and a little floor work when it came to rope! So we went to up and I had a great time. It’s been six years since I was photographed bottoming for rope so I was excited about some new images. As I lay waiting for the images to load a sick feeling hit my stomach for just a few moments. I preemptively told myself that there wouldn’t be any images worth sharing because of how large I am. Luckily, I trusted that he wouldn’t create something that made me look terrible so I kept my mouth shut as he went through the first round of selections. As I looked over his shoulder I saw images that made me look peaceful, strong, and bound. The nasty voices in the back of my head quieted down.

As someone who spent years not thinking I was fit to bottom regularly. I wish that others had shared their experiences. I wish they had shared their images. While I love many of those who land on K&P and who grace the stages at our events around the world I think it’s important to show that everyone, no matter the shape, size, or gender, has the right to not only enjoy being in rope but share it with the world in whatever ways they feel comfortable.

Rope & Photography by Aeolis_Est

Special thanks to Aeolis_Est for the rope time and photos, to my friends who shared their stories via twitter and inspired my tweetrant and this post, and to all those who have supported me in my love of rope over the years.

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7 thoughts on “Confession of a Fat Rope Slut

  1. I love this!!!! As a plus size woman who loves being tied up, I have felt this pain and ended learning how to tie to keep my rope connection even though all I wanted was to be in rope myself. It has taken years to ask for what I want and even more to feel comfortable.

  2. I love your strength and beauty. Your refusal to accept the limits others have placed on you. Since I started in this community I’ve looked up to you as a role model and you have inspired me more than I can explain. Thank you for being you.

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