If Common Sense Was Kinky

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So you’re headed to your first party or dungeon night. You may be as excited as a kid in a candy shop but don’t let your excitement get the best of you.  Here are some seemingly common sense things you can do to ensure you’re invited back.

1) Ask Questions  Particularly during your first few events you may see a variety of things that are new to you. From impact toys to “littles” the world of kink has more varieties then you can possibly imagine. Many of us are more than happy to answer questions whether it’s “how did you get into the lifestyle,” “what is that toy,” or “Where’s the exit door?” If you don’t ask question it’s much harder to learn. Depending on the location there may be Dungeon Monitors (DMs) who supervise activities to ensure safe environments to all. DMs are generally knowledgeable about the lifestyle and can answer many questions you may have. They may also identify as “service tops” or “service bottoms” and are able to demo equipment or negotiate and conduct scenes.

2) Timing is EVERYTHING! Don’t walk up to someone who is sceneing or right after a scene and start chatting as you may pull someone out a headspace. If you’re interested in what you’re watching ask a DM or hold off until it looks like they have wrapped up with aftercare. If you aren’t sure you can try unintrusively making eye contact with them.  If they are ready to chat they will let you know. If you’re concerned about a scene grab a DM. It’s their duty to step in if needed.  They are there to help and step in when need be.

Now there is a part b to this item. If you are in a practice space sometimes people are willing to chat while they work. They may be explaining a particular tool or technique or just being social in general. If those same people are in a play space and have started a scene (which may look very similar to you) DO NOT INTERRUPT. It doesn’t matter that one or more of the participants is your friend, you know they hate being [enter your awesome suggestion here], or that you wanted to say hello, hold you horses till the end. The only people who should generally be involved in that scene are individuals who are negotiated before the scene starts and the DM. It’s disrespectful to interrupt and can have extremely negative effects on those involved in the scene. Even if it’s just a hello, err on the side of caution and give the scene it’s space.

3) If it’s not yours don’t touch If you want to touch ask! You would think this would be something that stuck with many since kindergarten but apparently it hasn’t. It doesn’t matter if it’s a ring, rope, toy, human, or otherwise if it’s not yours don’t touch. If you are interested in said ring, rope, toy, human, or otherwise take a second to locate it’s owner to ask permission. If you aren’t sure and it doesn’t seem to belong to anyone ask a DM. Again they can generally tell you whether something belongs to someone or if it’s for open play.

4) Be Respectful Understand everyone participates in the lifestyle differently. You could meet two sets of people who identify as M/s or D/s side by side but the way they express it could be vastly different. You may meet a furry or watch a submissive kneel to their master and kiss their boots only to receive a swat across their back.  These situations or individuals could put you out of your comfort zone but be respectful and avoid disparaging comments or laughter.   If you respect others they will gain respect for you.

Do you have kinky questions you’d like to see answered or explored? Send your questions to questions@runningaemok.com

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