Tag: BDSM

I Got a Kink Crate and I’m BEYOND Shocked in the Best Way Possible!

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Last weekend I went to visit fellow kink educator and awesome rope partner-in-crime TheStuntDouble to unbox my newly arrived “Couples” Kink Crate. Honestly, we were totally prepared for some giggles and 50 Shades-style feather tickers and velcro cuffs. Instead, we were shocked by what is actually a pretty damn well-curated box of not just toys but QUALITY educational materials! Check out the unboxing video at the bottom and some of my thoughts on my first Kink Crate.*

The Box

I put my name in the hat a few months ago to review the Kink Crates and when I opened up the box I was beyond excited to see that it was a rope themed box! I mean anyone who knows me knows I’m a giant rope slut. It’s like it was meant to be.

Right on top of the box was the Kink Crate Handbook and Kink Diary. The handbook is filled with really fucking useful information for anyone just testing out the waters of bondage including safety info (such as nerve damage risks and first aid), negotiations, and some great starter ties. The Diary is a cute little addition to keep track of what works and doesn’t and any fun ideas you want to try later!

Jay Wiseman’s Basic Rope Bondage was the next item I wiped out which is perfect step by step starter book and it’s convenient “toy bag” size means you can carry it anywhere for some rope reading on the go!

There are also some other smaller items like the Twizzlers (BEST PERVERTABLE CANDY!) and stickers.

The Rope

This kink crate came with three bundles of rope: hemp, cotton, and leather! I’ll describe them in order of preference starting with my least favorite.

#3 Hemp – This rope smelt and felt more like jute to me. In fact, I actually incorrectly corrected myself once I had my hands on it while taping the unboxing. I’m a fan of rougher natural fiber but this 8mm rope was even a bit rough to the touch for me and has an extremely loose lay.

#2 Cotton – The braided cotton is what I think of when I remember my first bundles of sex shop bondage ropes!. That’s not a bad thing by any stretch. In a sexy shade of red, this rope is really soft and fairly flexible. With just a bit of bite to the fibers, your knots won’t go sliding every which way.

#1 Leather – Of the three this is my favorite by far! I’ve never played with leather rope before and the blending of two of my tops kinks definitely makes me more than a bit wet. Upon first inspection, the rope is similar to paracord in thickness and design with its solid core and exterior stitched leather sheath. I loved the way this felt against my skin! It was super smooth but the seam of the leather digs in just a bit.

Spot Fucking On

Between the scientifically accurate, sex+ information from reliable writers/educators to the variety of rope provided the Kink Crate for couples was spot fucking on! I dig the fact there was variety in the box so people new to rope bondage can get an idea of what they like or don’t.

I also loved the fact that there was diversity in their representation too! The Kink Squad card has a variety women (both top and bottoms) and the icon for next months Nips and Whips theme is a female POC top. On top of the visual, they have boxes for singles and couples with options for male/female, female/female, AND male/male couples. 

I definitely recommend checking it out whether you’re new to kink or just want to try something new. Want to save 33% on your first Kink Crate? Check out http://kinkcrate.com/RUNNINGAEMOK!

 

Full Unboxing!

 

*Kink Crate sent this box to me for review. The affiliate link to their site gives you, my wonderful readers, a 33% discount on your first box and I can earn more boxes to test out!

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Darling Discovered: An interview with the author and book review.

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DDCoverOn Friday I got a chance to talk with Mrs. Darling, winner of the BDSM Writers Con 2015 Book Contest, about her recently released book Darling Discovered.  It’s the kind of book readers really want out of a kinky story: realistic and sexy as hell! Unlike other books that have come out in recent years, Darling Discovered is based on the author’s own history and relationship leading readers along possibly one of the most life changing years of her life. Technically the book starts off with a super hot and intense takedown scene between Chloe and her Mister which gets readers hooked for what’s to come.  The story itself however starts off with Chloe discovering her husband Leo’s affair. Not wanting to throw it all away the pair agree to try for one year to make things right again. About mid way through Chloe reveals her long repressed fantasies about submission and it sparks a whole new dynamic for the pair. Along the way we join the pair for their first adventures into the world of D/s relationships including their first trip to a public dungeon in Vegas! Filled with real life ups and downs Darling Discovered gives readers an actual look at what life in a 24/7 M/s relationship can be without sugar coating it. It’s a story of self discovery and acceptance, trust, love, and lust.

  • Rating: 5/5
  • Pro: real life kink, sexy as hell, well written
  • Con: I can’t think of any!

Get your copy today on Amazon or visit the author’s website at https://darlingdiscovered.com/

The Interview

Aemok: Hi!

Mrs. Darling: Hello! How are you today?

Aemok: I’m doing excellent. Thank you again for joining me this afternoon.

Mrs. Darling: It’s a pleasure. Thank you for having me!

Aemok: I’d like to start off with what inspired you to enter the 2015 BDSM Writer’s Con And how did you feel about the contest?

Mrs. Darling: I’d be happy to, although it is more like what *made* me enter. Well, who made me enter. I wrote a story, a story about us, my Dominant/husband and I. It was very raw and cathartic and real and it felt so good to get it out of my system. I tucked the tale away… until my husband (MR) found out about the contest and required I sent it in. He thought it would be good to share it with the community at large, that maybe others could learn from our path. I sent the manuscript in and waited.

I was terrified! Terrified of winning, terrified of losing, terrified of being judged. Because I was in fact being judged. When you tell your own path (as a versus to writing fiction) every review is a review of your own life. Your own success and mistakes and choices.

Aemok: Speaking of that. It would have been easy to call your book “fiction” to prevent people from passing judgement on your relationship. Where did you get the term Creative Non Fiction and why did you choose to open your life up in this way?

Mrs. Darling: Falling into a genre of writing has been a difficult decision. I typically write non-fiction about my life as a submissive but it can be dry at times; technical. With this story I wanted to be creative and free, to paint the story in the way my minds eye remembered it. I wrote from the heart. Always. Somebody introduced the phrase creative non-fiction to me and it was like a piece of the puzzle falling into place. The whole time I wanted to emphasize authenticity. Being authentic to our story. I felt like this was the best way to do it. To “hold hands” with other people exploring submission and tell them that I understand, that I have been there too, that no it is not easy. The best way for me to do so was to own up to it being my life.

Aemok: Were you concerned that people would focus just on the rough spots and not see the growth that both of you individually and together gained through the story?

Mrs. Darling: For sure. I added a bit of our backstory to try and have it make sense why this woman would even want to try and make things work. Infidelity is such a taboo topic. Nobody is talking about it but it is so statistically high for it to happen. Why can’t we talk about it? The decisions, the emotions, the struggle? I remember this actually taking place and feeling so, so isolated. I am glad to give a voice to trying to make things work. To come out of the gates with an affair and ask a reader to try and root for us to succeed was a risk. But it simply is our path. The “old us” had to die before who we are now could be reborn.

Aemok: As someone who has been on both sides of the situation I very much identified with both of you throughout the story. Were there parts that were harder than others or anything you just couldn’t put to pen?

Mrs. Darling: It was all hard, honestly. I probably shed as many tears re-telling the story as I did living it. The hardest, at this point, was the telling of my mistakes, my bad judgement, my choices that could have been better. I just wanted to shake this girl and wake her up but alas, hindsight and all. The only things really left out were some of our struggles in parenting. That story correlates in time but isn’t relevant to this story told. Everything else is there.

Aemok: I think too often people outside the relationship automatically jump to the “throw the cheating bastard/bitch out” without thinking about the rest of the relationship.
Friends mean well in their support but sometimes it just fuels the initial shock, anger, and pain but doesn’t let us really sit back and hold our selves accountable.

Mrs. Darling: Agreed. So true.

Aemok: At one point in the book you and MR take a break. Do you think that sometimes taking a little bit of time without contact can be a positive when you’re dealing with something that is so emotionally charged?

Mrs. Darling: Absolutely. I do think it allowed us both some time to process as individuals. Process in a much level headed way than always having that person around. We were able to get a glimpse into what life would look like without the other person there and that is a really powerful tool as you are trying to review the success (or not) of a relationship. For us it was both empowering, cementing in our minds our identities in Power Exchange, but also really bleak. Life was brighter together. That was immediately clear.

Aemok: Exactly. When my marriage ended many years ago one thing I had always wished was that taking a bit of time apart was something that was socially acceptable.

Over the last few years a number of books, shows, and movies have come out that highlight our lifestyle for better or worse. Do you think that it’s important that those of us who really live this life share our stories when we can? Do you think that it helps those who may be interested but not know where to start? Like the younger version of yourself?

Mrs. Darling: I think it certainly helps. When people start to find out more about BDSM, education is one of the first things they hear. “Read, read, and read some more.” It’s a kinksters war cry. This is of course a good thing; it is important to educate yourself when you are looking into anything new, particularly when it can have dangerous implications. But what is the quality of information available? I feel like those living this day in and day out can contribute so much. I think many hesitate to do so because they recognize their way is only one way, or because they don’t think themselves capable. But I want to encourage everybody willing to share their path because in the end everybody has a different experience anyway. It doesn’t have to be fancy or frilly, just *available.*

Aemok: Do you have recommendation to help those who maybe want to but find themselves struggling to do so. Personally I’ve tried journalling/writing for years and I’ll do a spurt of good writing and then let life get in the way (ok, I totally make up excuses regardless of reality). I know a lot of people who recommend it, particularly for submissives, as a way of processing or communicating.

Mrs. Darling: Journaling helped (helps) me along. For those who want to journal but struggle, my best advice is to let the journal be there for you instead of being obligated to that inanimate object. I had tried it all my life: “I am going to write a paragraph every night” or “I will journal a line about my emotions every day.” Always a big failure. That is until I learned to lean on my journal when I needed it and never to feel guilty about not writing. I go weeks and even months now without creating a personal journal entry (typically when the times are easy and good). But when I struggle, it is always there for me, ready to listen without judgement and capture that harsh moment in time. My best advice for those still finding their way is to listen to your gut. We have incredible instincts and so often we shove them away because we were taught something else or feel obligated to be another way. Our head is always so damn logical; the heart will lead you astray. Follow your gut instinct and stay true to that course.

Aemok: Is there anything else about yourself, the book, or the writing journey you’d like to share?

Mrs. Darling: I just want to take a moment to thank everybody in my local BDSM community that has continued to support and encourage me in this venture along the way. I don’t know if I could have gotten to this point without them (and, of course, MR). If anybody reading has hesitation about getting involved in the community, I encourage you to do so. Thank you so much for having me today. It has been lovely talking about this journey with you.

Aemok: Thank you for being so open and congratulations again on the release of your new book. It was absolutely a fantastic read!

Mrs. Darling: You’re very welcome. Thank you so much and I am glad you enjoyed the story!

Aemok: ok 3 silly questions just cause: What is your favorite snack/beverage while writing? What is your favorite and least favorite toy? What is a book you absolutely recommend people read (kink or otherwise)?

Mrs. Darling: Black coffee and loads of it. When writing at home, or at Starbucks, or at the local library study room. Big ol cup of strong coffee, straight up. Always. Favorite: Whip. Least: Cane. Both make me shiver in very different ways. I’d recommend reading Emily Post’s Etiquette. There is some stellar information in there that I think could help make the world a more lovely place.

Aemok: You’re amazing. Thank you again and have a fantastic afternoon!

Mrs. Darling: You too, thank you for all that you do as well. Have a great rest of your day.

 

Again it was an absolute pleasure to read the book and chat with the author. I highly recommend you check it out.

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Keeping Track of the Good Little Girls and Boys

One of the things I loved in my previous Daddy/girl relationship was the chore system we created. It wasn’t elaborate but a great way for Sir to give some encouragement for some of my regular chores that I may have been a little less then excited about. Here’s some options you can use to track tasks for your sub, regardless if they are little or not!

Book Review: The Leatherboy Handbook

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*disclaimer: 1) This review is on the 1st edition of this book which is no longer in print. An expanded version is now available under the new title The Complete Leatherboy Handbook. 2) I am not a gay male.

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The Leatherboy Handbook (1st ed.) by boy Vincent L. Andrews published by The Nazca Plains 2008.

I had very high hopes for this book as it came strongly recommended from a number of leather people in my life. Unfortunately, I may have set the bar a little high for this book. Very clearly in the introduction Andrews lets readers know that this book is written from his experience primarily for gay males interested in the leather lifestyle. The book is divided into eighteen chapters which at first glance look very well thought out. Andrews is very repetitive throughout the book, not just of major concepts but all minor details, and I found my self thinking “didn’t I just read this.” Additionally, a large portion of the book is really focused on cruising without coming off like an ass and finding yourself a Daddy. While I can absolutely appreciate the need to help new people not look like an ass this made up the majority of the book became a bit tedious. While these were annoying points I could read around them and still get some good information from the book.

The serious complaint that I have with this book was how Andrews chooses to treat the rest of the BDSM community. I understand that the kink and leather sides of our community do not always meet eye to eye. Many “just kinky” people don’t take the protocols, power exchange, or rituals beyond their play. This does not mean they are lesser than those who chose to live in these dynamics full time. There is a beauty in the fact that we can choose our level of depth within these dynamics our partners. At least once per chapter Andrews blatantly shames those who are not leather or D/s 24/7 and regularly says that they are a prime reason for the demise of the leather scene. It becomes pretty elitist and may be a turn off to many who are interested in the leather lifestyle but also enjoys other kinks.

Overall, this book is ok. It does provide some good information for those who are interested in starting a leather journey of their own but readers will need to take much of what the author shares worth a grain of salt.

Pros: Quick read, some good chapters on service, written from a submissive’s POV

Con: Repetitive and somewhat derogatory towards non leather BDSM communities

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My First Earned Leather

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In 2013 I attended Beyond Leather and had my first experience with people who identified as “leather. With the structure, etiquette, and sense of community I wanted to learn more. So I started to talk to people who identified as leather and reading up on any sources I could. I attended a number of events, large and small, to gain a broader sense of what “being leather” could mean.

After about 6 months of investigating what a leather path may look like I knew it was a journey I wanted to take. I appreciated the emphasis on community. Of sharing the knowledge you have been given with those that are seeking. Dedication to service to your partners, family, and community. Commitment to personal growth. The way families and leather houses were structured. The process of earning of leather as one progressed.

Vested at BL
A quick shot of my new vest.

The next year and a half saw a lot of major events for me. Some were exciting (finishing my Master’s degree) and some were rough (the end of my relationship and service to my Sir). Throughout the ups and downs though I tried to stick with my path. I continued to give back when ever I could through educational opportunities and volunteering.

Last weekend at Beyond Leather 2015 a small group of people, whom consider family and dear friends, honored me with my first earned leather: a vest. It was their way of  recognizing my perseverance and dedication to my leather journey regardless of what life has thrown my way. I was overwhelmed by the gesture and hope that this will be one of many steps along my journey where those I respect and admire will be proud of me.

 

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