We’re just over a week away from one of my favorite events of the year: Florida Power Exchange!!!
I’ve talked about identifying with a number of labels, sometimes conflicting labels, simultaneously before. One of these is combos is service submissive and little. On one hand, it makes my heart and soul leap for joy when I can take care of my D-type’s needs/wants through graceful anticipatory service that seems effortless. On the other, I enjoy being taken care of and letting my Big worry about making the mature decisions. I’m also a fairly mischevious little sadist which sometimes comes out even when I’m not in little space. (My Alpha regularly warns people about my deceptive “little’s face!”) One of the ways I’ve learned to feed the little side while still honoring the s-type side is through “little’s dates.” These dates are dedicated time when the walls of maturity come down and my protocols shift a bit which allows me to just BE little. Examples of these shifts are not being in trouble for not anticipating a need such as drinks needing to be refilled and there’s a bit more leeway when it comes to a bit of stubbornness on my part.
One of the ways I’ve learned to feed the little side while still honoring the s-type side is through “little’s dates.” These dates are dedicated time when the walls of maturity come down and my protocols shift a bit which allows me to just BE little. Examples of these shifts are not being in trouble for not anticipating a need such as drinks needing to be refilled and there’s a bit more leeway when it comes to a bit of stubbornness on my part.
Little dates make GREAT incentives when using chore/habit charts or trying to encourage specific behaviors! Find some special little date ideas for when they reach different goals. One of my favorites was a trip to Universal Studios when I collected a large number of stars from my chore chart. They are also great for enhancing relationships between littles and D-types/partners who don’t identify as Big. Taking care of a little is a ton of work for anyone but if you aren’t Big inclined it can be really taxing. You can use little dates to create distinct time boundaries when “being little” is doable and when you need your partner in adult mode.
Here’s twenty suggestions for super fun little dates for all parties involved!
Confession: I have a paperwork kink!
No, I don’t mean I like filling out forms in triplicate! Last fall I fell in love with the idea of Butler’s Books. I was hesitant because most of my stuff was kept digitally up to that point and I had never successfully used a planner for more than a few weeks. After spending a few months trying to research and plan I jumped in this past January and haven’t looked back since! My book helps keep my world organized and allows me to be a better submissive. Here’s a quick intro to what they are, how I use mine, and how to start your own.
You’re probably wondering what the hell a Butler’s Book is and google is pretty much useless. Basically, a Butler’s Book is a way or organizing and tracking everything required to make a house run smoothly from schedules and shopping lists to information on the family and friends. They are sometimes called service notebooks and I like to call mine my girl book since I don’t identify as a butler.
For me, my book is one part bullet journal, one part house management guide, and one part journal/braindump.
When I want to relax I’m just as likely to be playing video games as reading books, I don’t know what I’d do without Google calendar, and text messages are lifesavers because I’m not a huge fan of talking to people on the phone. So if I’m such a digital girl why on earth would an analog book be of interest? Simple: My book allows me to organize my life, visually keeps track of my goals and projects, and is my reference for my leather family and path. It hasn’t replaced my digital stuff by any stretch but it has become a way for me to focus on the most important stuff along the way. It’s also a tool for self-care. If I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious, I can pull my book out and see exactly what HAS to get done and what can be moved to the later. In addition, I have space to doodle, work on new ideas, or brain dumb. I’ve worked it into my daily routine, for about 10 mins before bed each night when my brain is prone to spring into overdrive, and it’s helped me feel calmer and less cluttered mentally.
The great thing about Butler’s Books is that they are what you make of it. They can be a quick reference guide or detailed encyclopedia. You could include only information related to your BDSM/Leather/Lifestyle journey or expand it to other areas of your life. The trick is to make it work for you!
When I started researching I found myself really frustrated right out of the gate. Outside of a local friend, Kitten Christie, who turned me on to them, there isn’t a ton of information easily available. In fact, I only found one really good resource! Joshua Tenpenny’s Service Notebook. Mixing suggestions from Kitten Christie, Tenpenny, and Bullet Journaling I’ve found a method to the madness that works really well for you which I’ll outline below. Take what is useful and don’t be afraid to toss what isn’t!
What you’ll need:
- Binder & Paper – You can use any journal, notebook, or binder you want. The key is that it needs to be big enough to be functional and small enough that you’ll want to actually use it!
- I use a 1″ Mini Binder because I like to have the flexibility of moving/removing pages that I royally screwed up, found didn’t work for me, or don’t need any more like plans from 4 months ago! It also fits half of an 8.5×11 piece of paper perfectly and isn’t too big to throw in my daily bag!
- Pen or Pencil – You’ll want at least one writing tool that you feel really comfortable with, is fade resistant, and writes clearly.
- I have a few pens, markers, and pencils I use in my book. My daily use pen is currently a Pilot Metropolitan fountain pen because I’m fancy 😉
- Dividers – You may need two you may need ten. Just depends on how you break up your book.
- I didn’t find any dividers I liked when I initially started so I made my own using 8.5×11 black cardstock, metallic sharpies, and washi tape.
- Other suggestions but by no means required:
- Paper clips – work great to mark pages without taking up space
- Index card – makes for a handy tool to draw straight lines
- Hole Punch – find one that fits your binder
- Markers, stickers, washi tape, etc – It’s your book. Let your creativity flow if that’s your thing!
I break my book into four main sections:
- Intro – includes my index, key, yearly calendars (bday, future log, holidays), and my book ideas page
- Plan – like the name indicates this section is comprised of my planners
- Grow – space to keep track of personal goals and projects
- Family/Leather – includes pages for keeping track of individual’s preferences, master allergy list (because I love cooking for friends & family but don’t want to kill anyone!), protocols, family traditions, and my leather’s history cards.
- Index – Exactly what you think it is!
- Key – I like to color code and use a few symbols to make it easier to identify where items wall in my life.
- Yearly Calendars – I keep one with a list of birthdays and significant holidays
- Future log – Broken into months it allows me to write out any major events happening so I don’t accidently overextend or double book myself
When I first started this section I started with printables I found on Pinterest by searching for Journal/Planner pins. It was an easy way to get started with some structure for someone who didn’t really do planners. After about six weeks I was started identifying what worked and what didn’t for me. So I swapped from planners to grid paper and started designing my own layouts. One method isn’t better than another and there is certainly LOTS of inspiration for either method.
For me, I found using monthly and weekly layouts do the job for me. However, some people prefer monthly and daily layouts. Again, it’s whatever works for YOU!
This section is by far the most eclectic! It’s a little bit of everything and anything related to helping me grow. I have trackers for different goals, gameplans for various projects, and pages of quotes and affirmations I find particularly awesome. If you follow me on Instagram you’ve definitely seen this section pop up in my images! I find that writing things down helps me keep on track with things much better. I can break projects down into more manageable pieces
This section is for all the things specifically focused on my dynamics, relationships, family and lifestyle.
- People – I have two formats for this family/close people & regular acquaintances. Family members are a full two pages and others get an index card kept in a sleeve with a condensed version of details.
- Protocols and Traditions- I have pages for general notes, low/medium/high protocols, and traditions for my family
- Leathers – A record of what leathers I have earned, been presented, or been gifted. and the history of them. I have these on index cards as well.
So these are the basics of my Butler’s Book/girl’s book cover to cover. I hope that this gives you some ideas to get started with your own books. If you want to share your ideas feel free to leave a comment or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Confession: My favorite role in rope play is bottoming and I’ve allowed the negative assumptions from others about my body keep me from really pursuing it.
American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics
I’ve been a fan of Dan Savage after stumbling on his Savage Love podcast a few years ago. I found his outspoken, passionate, often against the grain approach refreshing and inspiring. When his 2013 book American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics popped into my audible recommendations I went ahead and grabbed a copy. It seemed a timely read given current events, particularly the recent US election, and I was interested in seeing if his longer works held up compared to the shorter ones I had previously read. I also tend to like audiobooks that are read by the authors as we get to hear it as the author intended. What I found was a collection of writings that were spot on, sometimes emotional, and consistently engaging. Savage doesn’t shy away from points that piss some people off! Something that isn’t difficult when you tackle topics like when cheating may actually be a decent option, Obamacare, and Rick Santorum. To soften the edges and balance the book out a bit, Savage also talks about his personal life in an open, honest way. From the struggles of raising a child to the process of grieving for a parent that has passed we’re reminded that this opinionated passionate advocate is also just a human being.
For someone who spends a lot of time with the ears of their audience, I had high expectations for the American Savage audiobook and was happy to hear the passionate, snarky, unapologetic delivery I had hoped for. In a text that is sometimes joyous and other times tear inducing, Savage shares his personal history and reflections on current events which allow just about any reader to find something of interest between these covers.
Pro: great listen/read, relevant,
Con: can be abrasive for some
Overall: In the end, I was not disappointed by the text or the delivery of American Savage and highly recommend this work to both long time fans of Savage as well as readers who have an interest in modern families, LGBTQ+ culture, and equality.
- American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics
- Dan Savage
- Dutton Adult
- May 2013
- ISBN-13: 978-0525954101