Confession: My favorite role in rope play is bottoming and I’ve allowed the negative assumptions from others about my body keep me from really pursuing it.
I am a fluffy girl. By fluffy I mean I’m fat by society standards at 5’2 200lbs. This is not a negative comment against myself just a statement of the current, shifting, state of my physical body. While I used to be thinner I have always been curvy and though at first glance you might dismiss me as just another fat girl I am incredibly flexible and strong. I’ve danced ballet, pointe, and modern. I enjoy yoga, cycling, and circus arts such as aerial and contortion. When I tell people what I do I often get the “I didn’t know big girls did…” This is almost as bad as when people find out I have a M.A. in Library Science and they say in a shocked tone “They have masters degrees for librarians? Don’t you just check out books and tell people to be quiet?” It’s obnoxious.
I let this kind of open prejudice, generally prefaced with “I don’t mean to be rude,” keep me from participating in things I was interested in including rope bondage. When I looked at the BDSM media I didn’t see many bodies like mine represented. It gave me the impression that it’s fine to do rope privately as a big girl but don’t think anyone other than your partner would ever be interested in it. Unlike a lot of others, I was lucky to have had a positive first experience with suspension. Though I was nervous about being too bit Master Penguin didn’t bat a lash when I asked for my first flight.
Over the years, as I have added different types of activities to my life, I’ve come to understand that there is so much more than just the number on the scale or the curve of my body that allows/inhibits my activities. So when someone says “I don’t mean to be rude but I didn’t know bigger girls could do…” I work just that much harder to show that YES! Anyone can do [rope, aerial, yoga, contortion, other activities they love] if they have a passion and try hard enough. They may never join Cirque Shibari or Cirque du Soleil but they can love what they do regardless of their size or other people’s assumptions.
This post sparked by a shared article #Sizedoesntmatter Challenge Shows That Plus Size Women Can Do Yoga Too found at Plus Model Mag
I have a love/hate relationship with labels. They are nothing more than descriptors we use to classify things, people, and places. For the most part we choose how we self identify: straight, gay, bi, kinky, leather, Dominate, submissive, switch. Unfortunately, far too many people put emphasis on strict “true” definitions and not personal ones. These same people tend to become very critical if someone decides to change their labels forgetting that as people grow and change they way they identify may also grow and change. Labels can limit people into a box or make them run away. To acknowledge some labels can be painful and scary but removing them can be just as hard. Labels can express in broad strokes who we are, what we do, what we love, and the journey that we’re on past/present/future. Every label has a general definition but the finer details develop from the experiences, expectations, and desires of the individual. Each person will have their own twist on what being submissive or kinky means. When talking with others we can use these self identified labels to guide us in getting to know each other.
It is important to recognize that labels, along with their definitions, are yours to choose AND change. They don’t have to be restrictive or exclusive unless you allow them to be. Anyone who feels the need to question your labels is free to engage in discussion about what those words mean to you however they are not invited to be discouraging, disrespectful, or judging. Find the labels that fit YOU and own them. It is not easy at times but when all is said and done you are the only person who must live with them.
So who am I:
I’m a librarian, an educator, and a complete geek. I’m a reader, gamer, aerial student, cyclist, and dancer. I’m a loyal friend and lover. I’m fascinated with puzzles and the humans bodies abilities and limitations. I’m poly. I swing. I am pan-sexual. I hold family, both chosen and blood, very dear. I’m a submissive to a select few, a top to others and an absolute rope slut. I am both sadistic AND masochistic. I have a little side and can be a brat in limited amounts. Sometimes these things overlap, collide, or even pull me in opposite directions but they are who I am. They will flux and shift as I learn and grow and I hope that this never changes.