Tag: reblog

Sex and Bodies

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Go read I’m Fat and I Have Sex With Hot Strangers By Melissa Mankins like right now!

Absolutely dig this article. I regularly use the label “fat” and have had people say “oh no you’re not!” or “don’t talk about your self like that.” I’m 5’2″ and 210lbs. Whether you like it or not I AM FAT. I am ALSO physically healthy, strong, flexible, and active. If you have any doubt check out my aerial and rope work. I also consider myself a slut! Again, it’s not a demeaning term for me. I love owning my sexuality and have no problem talking openly about it. I love having casual awesome sex with people.

I am very aware that I don’t fit the “normal” rope bottom or aerialist body type and much like Melissa I have had a tendency to “warn” people about my size. One of the hardest incidents around me choosing not to “warn” someone was when I had the opportunity to bottom for Graydancer, someone I have followed for a while and really respect, for a performance at FIRE. I was telling a friend how stoked I was to be bottoming and their response was “does he know about your size?” Here I was all rope bouncy about performing and this person was more concerned about reminding me I’m “too big for that kind of rope” than supporting me in this opportunity. In the moment I blew it off saying that Gray had access to photos that clearly showed my body type and my references as a rope bottom prior to working with me. If Gray didn’t feel comfortable with my size, which I know isn’t every riggers cup of tea, he could have easily declined. Reality was that it hurt and left a glimmer of uncertainty about whether I should have even offered to bottom. Luckily I put the concerns aside, hopped on my bike, and  headed to Orlando. My body shape didn’t make anyone uncomfortable and honestly I had a great time.

A few months later at NARIX I was sharing a new project (Rope/Lyra) during the Saturday night Rope Jam. While getting ready to perform I started getting nervous about what to/not to wear. I hadn’t really brought anything costume wise to the event because I’m normally naked at The Woodshed at night and during the day I’m in comfy rope cloths. There was a moment when I stood there thinking “is everyone going to be so distracted by my fat that they wont see what I was doing with the Lyra and Rope?” Eventually I stopped stressing and said fuck it. Walked out and stripped down and set up. People admitted they weren’t sure in the beginning because of my body shape but were quickly blown away. It felt good. Yes, I am fat but that doesn’t’ mean my body isn’t capable of amazing things.

The reality is we as a society push a culture that makes people of any size feel unacceptable. Read the comments on Facebook, Tumblr, and Instagram and you’ll find floods of comments on big girls telling them how disgusting they are if an inch of skin is showing. You’ll just as easily find floods of “go eat a cheeseburger” style comments on the images of those on the underweight side. If you go through K&P on Fet you’ll see a ton of thin women getting tons of love but what about the rest of the female form? We need to step back and stop trashing those around us. Instead we need to find and cultivate the awesome regardless of the size or shape of our bodies. I will continue to share openly about my size, my sex life, and my experience to help others see that their bodies and sexuality are valid even if they don’t match what they see around them.

 

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Great Comic on Non Monogamy from EverydayFeminism!

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It’s awesome that we’re starting to see more ETHICAL non-monogamy in the media. Unfortunately, it currently rarely highlights non hetero, cis, primary couples. Plus we don’t really talk about the couples privilege that accompanies that setup. Luckily for us, Joamette Gill of EverydayFeminism created this great, short, visual to help explain some of the OTHER common ways non-monogamy is done!

 

Here’s one of the blocks but click through to see the whole comic!

 

cisPrimaryPrivilege-02

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TEDtalk: Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid

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As a followup to my pieces on Choosing Peace and Self Care I would like to share this amazing video from the great people over at TED. It’s from psychologist and author Guy Winch discussing the importance of “emotional hygiene.”

As practitioners of sex positive lifestyles remembering to take time for emotional self care is very important. Appropriate self care can help us recover more quickly from drop, whether it be from a scene, event, or con. In some cases, it can help us avoid the drop all together. Winch explains that traumas that are sustained psychologically far more commonly then we think. Though we have been taught to take care of our personal hygiene since a young age we rarely are given the skill sets to engage in emotional hygiene.

As relationships grow & change emotional self care can help us process through jealousy, envy, and anxiety. It can also help us heal from the feelings of rejection, loneliness, and failure that can occur with the loss. While the “suck it up” or “fake it till you make it” method may work in the short term it’s not a healthy way to cope with things long term. Neither is dwelling on these kinds of things. Finding healthy ways to heal through trauma and stress can dramatically improve your life as well as the way you connect with those around you.

 

By taking action when you’re lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won’t just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive.” – Guy Winch

 

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Choosing Peace

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Lately life has been throwing me one curve ball after another: relationships, work, home, circus, rope. As soon as I think I’ve gotten back to a balanced place another ball comes my way. Sometimes I feel like it’s just too much to deal with. In the past, I was the cut and run type but I have been actively trying to not do that as often. I stumbled across one of Kino‘s “Living the Yogi’s Life” videos today that really made me stop and think about the choices I’m making in these difficult moments. She reminded me that I can make choices to find peace within these moments. I highly recommend her videos for anyone looking for inspiration. She also does some amazing yoga videos for everything from beginning to advanced.

Check out more of Kino’s work on her Youtube channel

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