Tag: Review

American Savage, Pissing off People One Essay At A Time

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American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics

I’ve been a fan of Dan Savage after stumbling on his Savage Love podcast a few years ago. I found his outspoken, passionate, often against the grain approach refreshing and inspiring. When his 2013 book American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics popped into my audible recommendations I went ahead and grabbed a copy. It seemed a timely read given current events, particularly the recent US election, and I was interested in seeing if his longer works held up compared to the shorter ones I had previously read. I also tend to like audiobooks that are read by the authors as we get to hear it as the author intended. What I found was a collection of writings that were spot on, sometimes emotional, and consistently engaging. Savage doesn’t shy away from points that piss some people off! Something that isn’t difficult when you tackle topics like when cheating may actually be a decent option, Obamacare, and Rick Santorum. To soften the edges and balance the book out a bit, Savage also talks about his personal life in an open, honest way. From the struggles of raising a child to the process of grieving for a parent that has passed we’re reminded that this opinionated passionate advocate is also just a human being.

For someone who spends a lot of time with the ears of their audience, I had high expectations for the American Savage audiobook and was happy to hear the passionate, snarky, unapologetic delivery I had hoped for. In a text that is sometimes joyous and other times tear inducing, Savage shares his personal history and reflections on current events which allow just about any reader to find something of interest between these covers.

Pro: great listen/read, relevant,

Con: can be abrasive for some

Overall: In the end, I was not disappointed by the text or the delivery of American Savage and highly recommend this work to both long time fans of Savage as well as readers who have an interest in modern families, LGBTQ+ culture, and equality.

Details: 

  • American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics
  • Dan Savage
  • Dutton Adult
  • May 2013
  • ISBN-13: 978-0525954101

 

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“Open” doesn’t mean “Pass to Cheat”

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This morning I came across this article about Mo’Nique, a well known and award winning actress, speaking publicly about her open marriage to Sidney Hicks. It was based off part of an interview the actress had recently done for True Exclusives. Overall it’s a good article and Mo’Nique explains her feelings on why monogamy just doesn’t make sense to her in a way that I think can be very accessible to a wide audience.

What irked me about the article was the title! Corinne Heller titled the piece for NBC6 South Florida as “Mo’Nique Talks Open Relationships, With a Free Pass to Cheat: ‘I Don’t Want to Be Owned Anymore.” ‘Cheating’ is LITERALLY being dishonest!  “Free pass to cheat” doesn’t just imply but actually states that there is active deception and misleading going on between partners.  That’s not at all what Mo’Nique said! Specifically she says “We don’t cheat.”  She accurately points out that most cheating happens because people feel they aren’t getting something and how completely unreasonable it is to think that you or your partner will never find someone else attractive. She then talks about being open and honest with your partner about how you’re feeling.

“Often times people cheat because of something they’re not getting. But when you have open and honest dialogue and you say we’re just human beings and all these people on the face of the earth, do you think my eyes won’t ever say ‘he’s fine’ or ‘she’s attractive’. Now if you wanna go further with it, let’s be honest enough to have those conversations. What is it about that person that you find that you wanna sleep with? Because they may give you something that I’m simply not willing to do. And if that’s the case, how can I be mad? Because I’m not gon’ do it. Should I deprive you of not having it? That’s when the relationship is real real.”

People who openly communicate with each other about what they want and are honest about the types of relationships they are having DO NOT have a “pass to cheat”. They have a relationship that allows them to express themselves without the judgment and ridicule we find in many monogamous relationships and society in general.

The original interviewer is to blame for the specific line “free pass to cheat” when he asks Mo’Nique about her feelings of privacy in relationships. Unfortunately, Heller added it to the title of her piece which I fell misrepresents Mo’Niques actual feelings on non monogamy. I get the feeling they are there to grab readers attention because of their shock value.

So YAY Mo’Nique on being confident and comfortable enough to speak publicly about your open relationship. BOO to the author for keeping with the “free pass to cheat” way of thinking about non monogamy.

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Keeping Track of the Good Little Girls and Boys

One of the things I loved in my previous Daddy/girl relationship was the chore system we created. It wasn’t elaborate but a great way for Sir to give some encouragement for some of my regular chores that I may have been a little less then excited about. Here’s some options you can use to track tasks for your sub, regardless if they are little or not!

Book Review: The Leatherboy Handbook

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*disclaimer: 1) This review is on the 1st edition of this book which is no longer in print. An expanded version is now available under the new title The Complete Leatherboy Handbook. 2) I am not a gay male.

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The Leatherboy Handbook (1st ed.) by boy Vincent L. Andrews published by The Nazca Plains 2008.

I had very high hopes for this book as it came strongly recommended from a number of leather people in my life. Unfortunately, I may have set the bar a little high for this book. Very clearly in the introduction Andrews lets readers know that this book is written from his experience primarily for gay males interested in the leather lifestyle. The book is divided into eighteen chapters which at first glance look very well thought out. Andrews is very repetitive throughout the book, not just of major concepts but all minor details, and I found my self thinking “didn’t I just read this.” Additionally, a large portion of the book is really focused on cruising without coming off like an ass and finding yourself a Daddy. While I can absolutely appreciate the need to help new people not look like an ass this made up the majority of the book became a bit tedious. While these were annoying points I could read around them and still get some good information from the book.

The serious complaint that I have with this book was how Andrews chooses to treat the rest of the BDSM community. I understand that the kink and leather sides of our community do not always meet eye to eye. Many “just kinky” people don’t take the protocols, power exchange, or rituals beyond their play. This does not mean they are lesser than those who chose to live in these dynamics full time. There is a beauty in the fact that we can choose our level of depth within these dynamics our partners. At least once per chapter Andrews blatantly shames those who are not leather or D/s 24/7 and regularly says that they are a prime reason for the demise of the leather scene. It becomes pretty elitist and may be a turn off to many who are interested in the leather lifestyle but also enjoys other kinks.

Overall, this book is ok. It does provide some good information for those who are interested in starting a leather journey of their own but readers will need to take much of what the author shares worth a grain of salt.

Pros: Quick read, some good chapters on service, written from a submissive’s POV

Con: Repetitive and somewhat derogatory towards non leather BDSM communities

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