Tag: self

My Big FAT Rebuttal


Recently I read a post about wanting to “swap people’s attitude about herpes with their attitude about obesity” on Fetlife. While I understand her wanting to advocate to breaking down the stigma that surrounds herpes using body shaming isn’t a way to do it. All it does is turn an entire population off to anything else you are saying. Particularly if your facts are more assumptions and not actually based in fact.

Not everyone who appears to be overweight is unhealthy. Not everyone carries their weight in the same fashion meaning physical appearance could mean very little to how healthy our bodies are. I am technically *morbidly obese* based solely on the number on the scale. I am 5’2″ and weigh between 200-210. What that doesn’t take into account is my actual body measurements. Those put me at about 30% body fat which ISN’T actually overweight at all! It doesn’t take into account that I’m *NOT* being destroyed from the inside out. My blood pressure, heart, lungs, and other major organs are ALL well healthy. I eat pretty well, not always but much of the time, and try to limit the amounts of sweets. I exercise regularly and vigorously. About 20 mins a day with 1-3 times a week having intense training in various circus arts for 2-4 hours (aerial, conditioning, contortion, acro, balancing). It’s intense and guess what my body rocks that shit hard core. I can do things that I have no problem saying MOST people couldn’t do “even at my weight.”

I am not an anomaly. If you look at A LOT of professional athletes and took their numerical weight guess what? They’d be listed as “overweight/obese” solely because their height to weight ratio isn’t within a strict standard created in a doctors office.

* YES we need to focus on healthier overall lifestyles
** Yes we need to promote less sedentary lifestyles
** Yes we need to promote healthier eating habits
** Yes we need to break the stigma of mental health
* YES we need to focus on breaking the stigma surrounding STI and sexual health
* Yes we need to stop body shaming each other regardless of the shape and size they are

* NO we don’t all need to be within the standards that are created without accepting variables such as structure and muscle density

*Being fat is absolutely NOT ACCEPTABLE in american culture

and lastly



Choosing Peace


Lately life has been throwing me one curve ball after another: relationships, work, home, circus, rope. As soon as I think I’ve gotten back to a balanced place another ball comes my way. Sometimes I feel like it’s just too much to deal with. In the past, I was the cut and run type but I have been actively trying to not do that as often. I stumbled across one of Kino‘s “Living the Yogi’s Life” videos today that really made me stop and think about the choices I’m making in these difficult moments. She reminded me that I can make choices to find peace within these moments. I highly recommend her videos for anyone looking for inspiration. She also does some amazing yoga videos for everything from beginning to advanced.

Check out more of Kino’s work on her Youtube channel


Owning Your Labels


I have a love/hate relationship with labels. They are nothing more than descriptors we use to classify things, people, and places. For the most part we choose how we self identify: straight, gay, bi, kinky, leather, Dominate, submissive, switch. Unfortunately, far too many people put emphasis on strict “true” definitions and not personal ones. These same people tend to become very critical if someone decides to change their labels forgetting that as people grow and change they way they identify may also grow and change. Labels can limit people into a box or make them run away. To acknowledge some labels can be painful and scary but removing them can be just as hard. Labels can express in broad strokes who we are, what we do, what we love, and the journey that we’re on past/present/future. Every label has a general definition but the finer details develop from the experiences, expectations, and desires of the individual. Each person will have their own twist on what being submissive or kinky means. When talking with others we can use these self identified labels to guide us in getting to know each other.

It is important to recognize that labels, along with their definitions, are yours to choose AND change. They don’t have to be restrictive or exclusive unless you allow them to be. Anyone who feels the need to question your labels is free to engage in discussion about what those words mean to you however they are not invited to be discouraging, disrespectful, or judging. Find the labels that fit YOU and own them. It is not easy at times but when all is said and done you are the only person who must live with them.

So who am I:
I’m a librarian, an educator, and a complete geek. I’m a reader, gamer, aerial student, cyclist, and dancer. I’m a loyal friend and lover. I’m fascinated with puzzles and the humans bodies abilities and limitations. I’m poly. I swing. I am pan-sexual. I hold family, both chosen and blood, very dear. I’m a submissive to a select few, a top to others and an absolute rope slut. I am both sadistic AND masochistic. I have a little side and can be a brat in limited amounts. Sometimes these things overlap, collide, or even pull me in opposite directions but they are who I am. They will flux and shift as I learn and grow and I hope that this never changes.